Quarter-life Lady

New site!

2008-11-30T14:45:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! If you're not already aware, Quarter-life Lady now has a new home: www.quarterlifelady.com.

We would LOVE for you to visit every so often and tell us what you think. So bookmark it!

All of the previous posts, in addition to new ones, can be found there for your enjoyment. If you have a second, visit now!

Aren’t I Too Old to Have My Mouth Washed Out with Soap?

2008-11-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

Today, I was driving through town and talking to my mother on my cell phone. She recently gave me a headset, so I’ve been using it for in-the-car-driving.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy runs into the street, right in front of me! I immediately slammed on my brakes. He saw me, but it was too late. I hit him.

Because I was going the speed limit, it wasn’t a hard hit. He actually just looked at me, mouthed “I’m sorry,” waved his hand, and ran into the Bellevue Cigarette Outlet.

I couldn’t even believe it. I mean, thank God he was okay, but how dare he run into the middle of the street without looking first? What kind of idiot does that?

But there’s something else that happened when I hit him.

I swore while I was on the phone with my mother.

I said “shit.” I think I might have also said “hell,” but I can’t remember. My mom responded with, “What the heck is wrong?!?” I yelled back, “I just hit someone!”

She then said, “Well, I’m going to let you go because you’re talking trash.”

I couldn’t believe she said that to me, but given that I just hit someone with my car, I had more important things on my mind. I hung up the phone and pulled over to regain my composure.

When I got home, I received a text from her. This is what it said:

“I know you were upset and all, but you cursed. I can’t believe it. That’s the first time I ever heard you say a curse word. I don’t know what to say.”

It’s always a horrible feeling to know you’ve upset your mom or dad. But honestly, I’m not sure I should feel so guilty. As a child, I never caused my parents any trouble. I always got straight A’s, hung out with my friends, abstained from drugs and sex, and earned a college degree. I have become a remarkable twenty-three year old woman who works hard for her money and volunteers her free time for others. Given my clean record, I think I deserve the right to say a curse word in the midst of a minor automobile accident.

I’m just hoping that my mom will realize soon that I am now an adult. There’s really no need to freak out each time I say or do something she doesn’t agree with. It’s silly to think that something so small could upset her so much. But I’m sure hearing your kid say “shit” for the first time can be pretty shocking. I’ll keep this experience in mind when I have children.

When it comes, I want to wail: MAIL!

2008-11-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

When I walked into my kitchen today, I quickly noticed a huge pile of mail on the counter. I looked up to the top of the refrigerator and saw another pile of mail that I had tried to hide earlier in the week.

“Where is all this mail coming from?” I thought, annoyed.

Living with my parents, I never had to pay much attention to the mail; typically my mother would sort it all and deliver it to its rightful owner. I vaguely remember her looking through advertisements and eventually throwing the useless things away. But it never sunk in how quickly junk mail can pile up in just a matter of weeks.

Then I moved out and the junk started getting addressed to me.

But unless I’m expecting something in the mail, I really have no reason to pay close attention to the mail. Other than my Netflix movies, nothing important ever really comes. This is 2008. People don’t send letters…we send texts. We pay our bills online…we don’t write and mail checks.

So now, instead of hiding the mail on the top of the refrigerator, I’ve started hiding it in a bag in the closet. It will stay there until I can figure out some sort of filing system for it all. I’d hate to throw away a coupon that could really save me some money in the future. Any suggestions?

I love being a woman.

2008-10-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

There have been plenty of times in my life when I’ve resented being a woman. Like clockwork, once a month, every month, I get fed up, bloated, and irritable. Anytime I get whistled at by some creep downtown, I become annoyed. And hearing the whole “a woman only earns 70 cents for each dollar a man earns” statistic really pisses me off.

In a similar fashion, there are plenty of times when my gender has caused me extreme joy that very few men could ever understand. Let’s just face it: there are some things that society does not allow men to get away with. I’ll be the first to admit that this is a hard thing for me to accept. I tend to believe that because men and women are equal, they should not allow their interests or pursuits be defined by their gender. But even I would be taken aback by a man who lit up at the sight of a shoe store.

The other day I was thinking about a major difference between men and women— women talk to one another. And women don’t just talk, but when we talk, we seek to connect with one another. A couple of friends and I were discussing the cathartic benefits of deep conversation, and one friend remarked, “No wonder it takes guys such a long time to grow up. They never talk to one another and try to figure stuff out.”

What a brilliant observation! I often wonder why it takes males a longer time to grow up. I can only imagine that isolating oneself in the midst of struggles can be quite lonely and difficult. Frequently, especially when I’m in over my head, I have to confide in a trusted friend in order to gain perspective and wisdom. These conversations help me to grow and I am always grateful for the impact my friends have on my life.

Now, my intention is not to make dangerous generalizations about men and women; I fully understand that there are exceptions to every rule. But I can’t help but notice the tendency of women to thrive in healthy, relational situations. I’m sure there are times when I find myself envying the males in my life (though ironically, I currently cannot think of anything specific off the top of my head). In spite of this, when I am deeply conversing with my girlfriends, I can think of nothing that brings me greater joy. I am grateful for what I learn, I am grateful for my remarkable girlfriends, and I am eternally grateful for womanhood.

Since When Do I Watch Debates?

2008-10-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

Honestly. Since when do I stay awake until 11 PM, watching post-debate commentary? I’m not sure when I started to embrace my inner nerd, but apparently I have.

This election has been a very tumultuous one, and while I do not want to use this post to endorse a certain candidate, I do want to take the time out to stress the importance of getting involved. I’ve never been so informed in an election before (I must say I’m pretty proud of myself), and it feels good. I’m reading articles, watching debates, and visiting the candidates’ websites. I’ll be the first to admit that I cannot WAIT until this craziness comes to an end, but in the meantime, I refuse to live in ignorance.

So, I hope you’ve been educating yourself as well. I’m pretty set on who I will be voting for November 4^th but if you’re not set on a certain candidate, you should at least be thinking about it. But even more than that, you should know why you’re voting for a specific candidate. This can be so much more than voting a new president; it can be a learning experience about what’s going on in the world and where you stand in the midst of it all.

No one expects you to be a nerd and watch post-debate commentary, but there are plenty of other ways to familiarize yourself with the issues. Do a Google search for “Who Should I Vote For?” quizzes and take a personal inventory. Ask your family and friends about their thoughts (but be ready to be respectful and to “agree to disagree”). Even magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Seventeen feature articles about the election, giving you concise bullet-point summaries of each candidate. Sure it’s not the New York Times, but everyone’s got to start somewhere, right?

As we enter the final week and a half of this election, the more you educate yourself, the more you’ll understand during episodes of Saturday Night Live, the more intelligent you’ll seem during talks around the water cooler, and most importantly, the more you’ll learn about yourself. So what’re you waiting for? You better start learning!

Is it tea time?

2008-10-20T19:46:00.000-07:00

The more I grow accustomed to the rat race, the more I anticipate Friday afternoon and the more I dread Sunday evening. This particular Sunday evening was no exception. Two good friends of mine came over to mourn the end of another weekend and we got to talking about the monotony of working a full-time, nine to five job.

“It’s amazing how much time out of each day is devoted to work, Monday through Friday. A whole eight hours! When I get home at night, I barely have the energy to do anything else,” my friend Carolyn whined.

“I know. It sucks,” I whined back.

“All I want to do is sit on my couch, drink tea, knit, read, and journal,” remarked Rachel.

“Ooooh. I love tea!” I said, in agreement.

After my friends left for the evening, I got to thinking about the irony of our statements. I vividly remember the excitement we expressed to one another when we accepted our current working positions. But somehow, months later, we found ourselves tired and cranky.

The scary part is that we are having this conversation and we are only twenty-three years old! It’s kind of ludicrous for any of us to be fed up with adulthood yet because we’ve hardly entered it. Now, don’t get me wrong…I enjoy my job. I get paid a decent salary to interact with people, travel the state, and learn important things about the field of education so honestly, I have very little room to complain. I’d say that Carolyn and Rachel enjoy their jobs as well, but I’d also say that like myself, they probably don’t see themselves staying in their positions for much longer than maybe two or three years.

With this in mind, I began to brainstorm a list of a couple of options we could investigate:

1). We could all quit our jobs, sit on our couches, and drink tea. All day, every day.
This may sound appealing, but delinquent student loan payments do not. While bills are a pain in the butt, I feel a colossal sense of accomplishment from being able pay my own rent, cell phone bill, cable bill, etc. Therefore, I’m not certain I’m quite ready to trade my paycheck for tea sipping and knitting.

2). We could marry rich men and THEN quit our jobs, sit on our couches, and drink tea. All day, every day.
Frequently when Carolyn, Rachel, and I get together, we rave about the countless things we love about our boyfriends. Unfortunately, the amount of money they earn is not among the things we rave about. But Kanye West was not rapping about us in his song “Golddigger;” my friends and I are naturally determined and independent. I can only imagine the boredom we would experience having each of our needs met by men.

3). We could find new jobs that don’t make us feel tired and cranky.
Newsflash! Most jobs will eventually make you feel tired and on some days, cranky. This is why it’s important to take full advantage of every moment between Friday afternoon and Sunday evening.

4). We could get the most we can out of our current situations, using them to help us figure the next step we need to take.
After seventeen years of schooling and one year of work experience, I still have no clue what I want to be when I grow up. While this may be shocking to some, I’m not too worried (yet) because I have been able to eliminate many career paths based on this past year alone.

The truth is that I really do enjoy my job. It is giving me great experience and is preparing me for bigger and better things. But it’s because of this job that I’ve realized that I don’t really enjoy sales, that I do enjoy working with youth, and that I’m not the biggest fan of traveling. I’m refining my strengths, such as customer service, and I am developing others such as sales and training. I am the farthest thing from miserable, and for that I count my blessings. So I think that for now, I’ll gladly endure through the tiredness and crankiness if it means I can learn a lot about myself in the meantime.

Besides, if I really, really need tea, my office is within walking distance of four different Starbucks.

Branded

2008-10-09T17:07:00.000-07:00

I recently had the extreme pleasure of attending the Pennsylvania Governor’s Conference for Women. I actually got to attend for free, courtesy of a few colleagues from a fellow organization. Nothing could please me more than going to a conference…for free…and getting out the office for a day to hear wisdom from women of all walks of life.

I attended several different sessions; one about using the Internet for all its worth, one about how to wisely manage your finances, and another about career transitions. Each session was helpful in its own way, and I really learned a lot. But I think the greatest piece of advice I took from the conference was from the third session, urging me to draft a brand statement—a brand statement about myself.

I have vaguely heard of this concept; the idea of marketing myself as a valuable asset. I never took it seriously in the past, but the more the speaker spoke, the more it made sense. It’ll be hard to accomplish my goals in this world without setting myself apart from others. And isn’t that exactly what companies do when they are trying to create buzz around their products?

I’ve got to learn how to market myself and I think this would be a great start. I think I’m going to give it a try and I highly recommend that you do too. I can think of few better exercises than reflecting on my strengths, my beliefs, and my goals and formulating them into my own personal brand statement. So how about it? Do you dare to brand yourself?

Things like this make me never want to grow up

2008-10-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

When I see things like this, I so badly miss college, where it was completely acceptable for me watch videos like this one until all hours of the evening.

Please world...don't make me grow up. And if I do have to grow up, please don't take my funny videos away.

Welcome to the real world, Theo Huxtable

2008-10-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, I found myself lounging on my couch, watching old episode of The Cosby Show on TV Land. I practically grew up on The Cosby Show. My parents were kind of overprotective of my brother and me, especially when it came to the television shows and movies we watched. The Cosby Show was on the list of guaranteed appropriate and allowable shows and so I never had to “ask permission” to watch it.

This particular episode was one of my childhood favorites, though as I watched it again, I realized I probably didn’t fully understand the humor back then. In this episode, Theo tells his father that he is going to make lots of money as a supermodel and as a result, wouldn’t need to attend college. Cliff and Clair decide to simulate the “real world” for Theo to help him learn the truth about being an adult. They do this by having themselves and their other children role play characters such as a landlord, loan officer, restaurant owner, etc.

Clif and Clair were extra nice in the beginning; they give Theo $2,000 in “real world” money to start out with. Theo is pretty ecstatic about this until he starts his hunt for an apartment. He is astounded that the apartment he has found (i.e. his bare room that Clair and Clif have moved his furniture out of) will cost him $600 a month to rent. Not only that, but he’s even more astounded that he will have to pay the landlord first and last month’s rent AND a security deposit, all adding up to a whopping $1800.

He becomes more incredulous as he realizes the difficulty that comes in renting an apartment without proof of employment. He has his friend Cockroach act as his “boss” to vouch for him on the job front, but he then runs into obstacles in purchasing furniture and trying to get a loan from a bank without any credit or employment history.

I couldn’t help but nod throughout the whole episode. Don’t get me wrong…I laughed a lot. But having gone through many of those things…signing a lease for the first time, shopping for loans, finding a job…I really could relate. I never knew many of the truths of the real world until I found myself at the brink of adulthood. No one really tells you some of this stuff…you just have to live it.

Poor Theo Huxtable. It’s a rough world out there. He didn’t have a chance.

Ehhh…What’s up Doc?

2008-09-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

This past month I set the goal of visiting the doctor, the girl doctor, the dentist, and the eye doctor. Like most normal people, I hate going to the doctor, but I knew that it was about time to get checked out. My shoulder had been bothering me for awhile and I hadn’t been to the dentist for about a year.

I’ve been setting my own appointments for the doctor and dentist for many, many years now. But up until this year, my mother has been the policy holder on my health insurance. When I received my insurance cards in the mail I took a quick look and stuffed them into my wallet.

But when I handed my insurance card over to the receptionist for the first time, it sunk in. I was embarking on another rite of passage! Not only was I being a responsible adult by going to the doctor in the first place, but I was a responsible adult with her own health insurance.

I feel extremely blessed to have health insurance. I have taken it for granted as a young adult. It’s a shame that in this day and age there are people in our country who are unable to insure themselves or their families. I am thankful that through blessings beyond belief I am able to rest assured knowing that these needs are met in my life.

What about you guys? What was it like to go to the doctor with your own insurance card for the first time? Are you still on the hunt for health insurance? It’s a scary thing, graduating from college and then realizing that you have little time left to be insured.

Realizing all the things that you’ve taken for granted as a kid is just another part of growing up. That, and going to the girl doctor. Ugh.

The rarest things make me think sometimes...

2008-09-14T19:38:00.001-07:00

In the middle of the Steelers vs. Browns game, an atrocity occurred.

The power went out!

Now, I wouldn't consider myself terrified of the dark, but sitting in a dark room does give you time to think. And as I looked out the window and saw the wind carry tree branches and other debris with it, my mind started to wander a bit. And the more it wandered, the more freaked out I got.

Then I realized, the majority of the blackouts I've endured in my life have been with my parents. Other than one in college and another at my boyfriend's house, this was the first time I've been in the dark without them. I could feel my bottom lip curl into a pout.

So I called my mother. I try to seize any chance I can to call her. I daily keep her and my father in the loop of my life because even though I no longer live under their roof, I know they have many more words of wisdom to share with me.

Our ten minute conversation made me feel so much better. And it feels good to know that I'm allowed ease myself into this thing called womanhood. Not even the power coming back on (during a Steelers vs. Browns game, mind you) could beat that feeling.

I like parties, yes I do. I like parties, how about you?

2008-09-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

I like parties. Who doesn’t? Very few people want to pass up free food, free alcohol, and good conversation. I always knew that the second I moved out of my parents’ house, I would take any opportunity I could to have as many friends over as possible. I love being the hostess. Nothing makes me happier than cleaning my apartment, shopping for yummy junk food, and responding to my guests’ every beck and call.

So when I saw an advertisement for the MTV Video Music Awards, I thought that’d be as good of a reason as any to host a party. I sent out a mass Facebook message and prepared myself for a night of fun. With each reference to Britney Spears’ VMA comeback, I grew more and more excited. “This is going to be a blast,” I thought.

At around 8 o’clock, guests started piling in.

We gabbed as we watched the stars walk down the red carpet. We squealed when Britney appeared on the screen. We eagerly ate all but two slices of the pizza we ordered.

But by the time 10 o’clock rolled around, I saw the yawns. I couldn’t help but yawn myself. I knew these weren’t yawns of boredom. They were simply yawns of exhaustion and preparation for another work week. If I had a say in inner-workings of MTV production, I probably would’ve suggested for the VMA’s to be aired any night but Sunday night. I mean, I understand the logic of getting everyone riled up the night before another work week, in hopes of gossip-filled talks by the water cooler. But it certainly was not the ideal situation for my party.

Of course I am not upset with my guests, because as I said, I was just as exhausted as they were, if not more. But I couldn’t help but wonder when my body started to get used to this cycle. I’ve even been finding it difficult to sleep in on the weekend—formerly one of my favorite things about the weekend. And with every Saturday that I wake up at 8:30AM, despite every attempt to sleep until noon, it sinks in more and more…

I’m growing up. I can’t have silly conversations until midnight and not be falling asleep at my desk the next day. Eighty percent of my weekend plans involve all the errands I couldn’t fit in during the week.

And I dread Sunday evening more and more each week.

So, maybe that’s the reason why I tried to host a party on a Sunday night; to liven it up a bit and avoid the inevitable. But from now on, I think I’m going to designate Friday and Saturday nights as the appropriate nights to be a party animal. Yeah, God was definitely onto something when He rested on the seventh day.

Quarter-life Ladies: Unite!

2008-09-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

I can still remember the feeling of anticipation I felt the weeks before college graduation. I was sick of reading assignments, papers, and I never wanted to look at another syllabus again. I had already choreographed the victory dance I would do across the stage as I accepted my diploma from the college president. My desire to begin adulthood trumped my appreciation for my college education.

But it wasn’t until I was home from college, in the midst of my job search, that someone told me that the first year she spent right out of college was “probably one of the hardest years” of her life. I was starting to see what she meant. I spent many days standing by my phone, praying for a job interview. After I (FINALLY) snagged my first job, I spent many evenings on the phone with customer service representatives, trying to understand exactly what it meant to consolidate student loans. And, after moving out of my parents’ house, I soon experienced the joy of paying bills.

Indeed, I had reached adulthood.

I’m not sure anyone could have fully prepared me for the lessons I have learned, and continue to learn, during this challenging season of life. I have been thankful for the things I have learned through experience, but MAN have I been thankful for the wisdom others have passed on to me and the encouragement I feel when my friends and I relate to one another in our similar experiences.

And that is my hope for this blog: that it may be a channel of support and encouragement to other quarter-life ladies. I know I have some things to share with others. And there have to be some other ladies out there who can share some insight with me as well. So what do you think? What should I write about? What have you learned?

Feel free to leave a comment or shoot an email to quarterlifelady@gmail.com. Thanks!